but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
