my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
