i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
