I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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