Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
