I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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