Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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