I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
