I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
