I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
babies were throwing up all over the place
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
