I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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