i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
