hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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