Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
