I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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