New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
