while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
