I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
