It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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