found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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