i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
