so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
