Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
