Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you inspire me to be a worse person
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
