remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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