Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
