the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
