I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
