We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
