her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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