I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
