You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
