is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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