life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
