We're like a lot better than the average bears
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
