barbara walters just said penis...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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