The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
