I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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