Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I need to stop coming to work sober
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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