I'm lost and stupid without you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
