around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
