I wannas sexs uuuuu
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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