just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
