Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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