Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
