On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
