it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
