i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Text me some of your sweat
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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