when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
