Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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