i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there was a trapeze. enough said
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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