the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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